so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
