Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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