Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
