also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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