atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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