bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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