So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i need some magic done to my vagina
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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