listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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