I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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