I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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