singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
