you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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