Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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