She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
