So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
