i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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