Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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