My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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