I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
