Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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