I will die if light touches me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
