I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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