Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do herpes really smell.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
