I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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