Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
