The maid of honor just puked.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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