He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
