Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
