I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
