apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
