Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
operation harelip BJ is a go
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
