on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
