were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
