I'm eating all of the evidence.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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