similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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