My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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