by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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