Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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