Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
