Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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