Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
