another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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