Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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