dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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