mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
