Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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