Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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