You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
