Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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