sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
