If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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