We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
