You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
