i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
