Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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