I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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