Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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