Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
