Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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