There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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