Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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