I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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