I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
