I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
