I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
