Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can text with my tongue
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
