Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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