I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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