Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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