I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
