You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
