a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
