I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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