I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
